Eat Like a Ninja, Live like a Unicorn

Ever wonder how a ninja warrior can disappear in a shroud of thick smoke, only to re-emerge on your ceiling sporting a handful of steel shuriken stars ready to be whipped into your face? Did you know that ninjas don't get gas, and if they did, which they don't, theirs would be as silent and deadly as their awesome skills to worse you out in a second!

You think ninjas get their burger on, and sit around rocking their jaws about what's awesome and what's worst? NOT! You don't even know what ninjas eat. I do. My cousin Brice is a ninja. What, you think I'd tell you his real name and compromise the identity of a highly excellent assassin. That's right; ASS-ASS-IN.

Anyway, I'm only telling you this so you don't get your ass put inside your ass by some bully who's out there RIGHT NOW thinking about you, and your face, and how he'd like to punch it with his fist TODAY. So here's what you do.

The Ninja Eat

1 large root of ginger
30 cloves of bull garlic
1 tube of wasabi
3 shots of old rice vinegar
2 cans of Asahi Beer
17 carrots

Now eat it, and harness the Warrrrrr---eeeeeeee-orrrrrrrrr powers of the Ninja, coupled with the mysterious beauty of the elusive UNICORN. Now we're talking something.