We at the Donkey are troubled by recent news that one of our founding writers, Kinger, has apparently absconded from justice and is now hiding out somewhere in the Taipei area. We have heard that Kinger, operating under the alias of Professor Kingsley Von Shitzintrowzer, has been posing as some sort of pseudo-scientific, new-age, nutritional guru. He has apparently been sermonizing on some form of health treatment that combines the benefits of citrus fruit with the Eastern cleansing practice of colonics. According to our sources, he has been claiming this practice is particularly effective on young Asian females and has been charging absorbitant fees to personally administer the treatment. We have secured this photo of the so-called Professor Von Shitzintrowzer, taken during one of his recent lectures on "citronics".
Kinger, if you are reading this, we urge you to end this farce. It's time to pay your debt to society, and return to the straight and narrow path. You need to once more direct your talents and energies back to more altruistic purposes here at the Donkey. If not for us, or yourself, then do it for your loyal readers around the world. We know you will make the right decision.
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