Things I don't need to know about you on Facebook

I'm sure that most of us can admit to spending a little too much time scrolling up and down on facebook. For a fairly simple social networking site, with not all that much happening, it still eats up quite a bit of time. My use of facebook is pretty simple; share the odd photo, put up a video I think my friends would like, check out what's going on in town, and once in a while get turned on to something new by others. In this realm, facebook is a great thing--especially for bands or artists alike promoting a show. However, there is a darker side to facebook. A side that I would rather not know about.

Call this article harsh, but I'm sure a lot of you will agree with me in the end. There are many abuses of facebook that I find lame and kind of embarrassing. For instance, I really don't care about your breakup, what you did with your hair, and I will remove you as a friend if I'm ever invited to some lame ass Sesame Street video game where you "harvest" video crops, or role-play as some mafia hitman nerd, or take care of a virtual fish tank, or whatever. These are simple grounds for excommunication in my books.

For people out there sharing more serious status updates, I can only feel bad. I just don't get it, and it brings a whole new level to washing one's laundry in public. I guesstimate that while everyone on facebook has 200 plus friends--of which probably 30 percent could be called 'real' friends, there is certainly a little too much sharing going on. Posting your post-breakup stress to a whole community of strangers is retarded. And furthermore, divulging dirty secrets about said-ex is even worse. Write their numbers in a public john under "gives great head", diss them to their faces, but please stop telling me about it on facebook. The irony in this usually is that people don't often even want attention when they're going through a bad time. But writing it on the great wall of facebook puts others in the awkward position to comment or not to comment on it. That's gross. And while it may be comforting to receive some kind of consolation, more often than not, these types of serious facebook declarations are initially written in haste, and for the most part cause a lot of unwanted embarrassment on their part. Do yourself a favor and keep it private.

I know, I know. I'm a big jerk right? Fine..I can take that. The other thing I can't stand is all the farming and fishing and whatnot that goes on. Get this: I WILL NEVER BE YOUR CYBER NEIGHBOR. I don't care how many video acres you need on your farm. I would rather hang around with born-again Jesus freaks listening to Kenny G, and eating tea eggs.

Also, I will most definitely hide your posts if you update me about the petty events of your whole day. Like, "going to shower," or "this new douchebag rocks." You get my point. On the flipside, there are lots of things I do like to hear about. Like where you're enjoying your vacation, or the birth of a new human, or "won the lottery." Anything like that is fine. I might even "like" it.  I understand I have no right to tell people how to live their lives. Censoring these annoying posts is simple enough. That's not my problem. My problem is with exposing areas of one's life that usually end up harming that person more in the end. Just stop making yourself look like a whiny schoolgirl with a D and D addiction.