The Take-Out Pizza Loophole and others

There are scammers, and there are scammers. While one kind may eek their way out of chipping in on the restaurant bill, another type is seeking not to exploit the generosity of his friends, but to find a chink in the restaurant's armor. It is a noble scammer and a savvy, business-minded individual who can detect and utilize the most precious of all subtle errors...the loophole. And in the world of food, there are a few...but not many. However, a couple of these take-out loopholes are now made available to you through your genius friends at The Hungry Donkey.



Imagine this: It's a Sunday evening, it's raining, and you can't be franked to get off the couch and go out looking for food to eat. There's a few of you sitting there contemplating, and while one or two think it would be a worthy adventure to leave the house and have a nice sit-down dinner, they are outnumbered, and alas pizza will be ordered. And now comes the hard part--what kind of pizzas to get. One friend suggests salami with green peppers, one would like a vegetarian pizza, and perhaps the one who is still thinking about going out to eat, might suggest something like: pepperoni with extra pampers. Wrong. Wrong. And Wrong again. This is where the common man fails. 


Customization is how pizza restaurants make profit. They are, in fact, not unlike a car dealership in this way. Each topping is added to the base at an individual cost. For sure, there are a few ready-made favorites on a menu, but if you wish to assert a semblance of individualism, you will definitely pay top-dollar for it. But wait, there's a loophole in the system. It is this: You want salami with green peppers? Green peppers will be counted as an additional topping, at lets say: 60NTD. Now you have a standard 200NTD pizza, plus one veggie. Add another veggie, and you're looking at an additional 120NTD on the whole. Now, you're up to 320NTD for a fairly simple pie. Instead, why not order the vegetarian pizza with say, salami on it? You are now only adding one topping to an already decked out pizza, chock full of at least 3 different veggies to begin with. And depending on the price range at any given pizza restaurant, your savings may be up to 100 dollars. So there it is: The vegetarian pizza with meat. Try it, it works. 


Another popular scam I find myself using on a semi-regular basis can be found at Subway. When it comes time to choose your veggies, the employees are trained to assume you want everything. They do this for only one reason: to give you as much lettuce as possible. Lettuce is cheap as hell, it is springy and it fills the sandwich to the brim, leaving very little room to accommodate the other more pricey toppings. This also acts as a psychological trick. You think: the sandwich is full. It is complete. But not so: it is full of crappy ice-berg lettuce and 3 olives.  Here's how to get out of it: First, insist on less lettuce. Stop them! Tell them you are allergic, for chrissakes! This will reverse the psychological ploy on the employee. They now see an imcomplete sandwich before them. Now get them to load it up. They will continue their automaton way of laying out 4 of each vegetable slice, but you can simply ask for more. Eventually they might stop, but surely at this point your sub will be loaded up with real vegetables. The employee will be a little confused, but who gives a care? I learned this one from an old friend of mine, who used to go into Subway and bluntly say: "put as much on there as you can without getting fired." I however, have taken it to a more user-friendly subtle level. Try it.


I hope you have enjoyed these loopholes, and I hope you will save a few extra clams in trying them out. If you have any others, please feel welcome to post them in your comments. And remember, whenever you find yourself at a family sit-down restaurant, ask for more bread. It usually works.