Definitely Not the Salad Days

I am aging. Maybe even rapidly. And as time pummels me down with fists like toasters, I find myself desiring little more on a sunny afternoon than to sit on a restaurant patio with a sandwich...and a salad. I can remember going to restaurants as a child with my parents and their friends. They would lean back in their chairs, one leg crossed over the other, and gaze at the world peacefully whilst nibbling on fresh green salads. They would tranquilly mix the oil and vinegar, crack the pepper, and talk about grown-up things. Watching them, I felt almost tiny in the presence of such adulthood, yet with my lack of experience at age five, I still knew I was missing out on something. And now, in the wane of my youth, I find myself seeking out a similar afternoon as my parents so enjoyed in their 30s. A light lunch. A sandwich on whole-grain, a fresh salad, and a hot cup of black coffee.

But it is no easy task finding a decent salad in Taiwan. Neither the local or foreign restaurants in Taiwan could actually boast that they have a killer salad on their menus. The Taiwanese believe a salad of ice-berg lettuce, sprinkled with corn niblets and drowned in their favorite Thousand Island dressing will suffice. For the western-style restaurants, on the other hand, the problem is much more disturbing and inexplicable. It would appear that when a foreigner opens a restaurant in Taiwan, they simply put a short list of salads on their menu for visual effect, the very way a furniture store might add a few fake plants to spruce up a kitchen showroom. These are not actual items on the menu, but rather they are filler. They serve no other purpose than to simply get the menu as close to the bottom of the page as possible. My last two weekends in Taichung have given me harsh proof of my theory.

On one particular afternoon, I visited a Taichung favorite for having decent Italian food and pizza. It is true, Amici is a great restaurant. It is reliable, reasonably priced, the atmosphere is great; just don't order the Japanese Salad. Was I foolish to do so? Yes. My partner in blog, Chuck, suggested that next time I should go order pasta at a Japanese restaurant, while he hucked down his 4 cheese pizza. I admit to making some poor choices once in a while, but come on--if it's not meant to be ordered, then what is it doing on the menu?? In fact, I was so distraught when I saw this shabby little bed of wilted lettuce staring at me, that I have since decided to order all the obscure items on every menu I see from now on! I don't mind being a martyr in my search of a good salad. Not only did the Japanese Salad consist of only ice-berg lettuce and a measly few carrot strips, it was douched in a wet and runny dressing that made scooping up a full bite almost impossible. I eventually had to run my fork into my thumb just to squeeze up a good sized bite.

On another afternoon, I visited La Terrasse; an expat restaurant that has been doing business for over 10 years in Taichung. They have a great patio on a semi-quietish side street, and their menu is fairly simple, utilizing a 16pt font size to attract the take-out crowd and to...beef up the menu. For there, at the bottom of the page, are some salads. I went for the Caesar. It was priced at 150nt, so I figured it should be half-decent. Again, I was disappointed. Instead of crappy ice-berg, it was indeed Romaine lettuce that lay wilted and dejected before my eyes. The croutons were these freeze-dried little things that had the powdery texture of a Flintstones Vitamin, and a flavor similar to the dust one might find at the bottom of a Cap'n Crunch box. The dressing itself was not too bad, but it was definitely not made from scratch. True, they may have doctored it up a little with some garlic, but it was obvious that a base of mayonnaise or some other cheap Caesar Dressing had been used. And let's face it: a good Caesar Dressing made from scratch is a work of art. All in all, it was a depressing experience.

Now, on a positive note, there are a couple western-style restaurants in Taiwan where getting a salad is a refreshing experience. Take the Japanese Salad with Ponzu Dressing at Finga's for instance: It is a veritable vegetable patch served in a large pasta bowl. Crisp lettuce, baby corn, green and red pepper, julienned carrots are just a few of the veggies that comprise this light, yet filling masterpiece. And yes, the Ponzu Dressing is as it should be: a hint of each ingredient that forms this simple dressing is all that is needed. Each tone of sesame oil, rice vinegar, garlic, shallot, ginger, and soy equally compliment each other, and it is the harmony and careful alchemy of this dressing that makes it so savoury, yet light and refreshing. And it is served on the side, the way it should be.

Another great salad can be had, ironically, in perhaps Taipei's most notorious "meat-markets". A place generally known for its late night promiscuity, prostitutes, and drunken whiteys, Carnegies has a great afternoon patio scene...and a Greek Salad to rival any. True, it is not an authentic or traditional style Greek Salad. In fact, the only thing Greek about it are the huge cubes of tangy feta cheese and its use of both green and black olives. The rest of the dish is mainly comprised of cucumbers and tomatoes. And the dressing, which again comes on the side, is a simple oil and vinegar set--balsamic vinegar, to be exact. Also on the side of this massively filling salad are a few long slices of lightly toasted baguette--a beautiful touch. A generous touch. No rinky-dinking around here. This monster will set you back around 300nt, but it is well worth it. And if you succeed in finishing it, you may find yourself tipping the huge bowl down your throat, trying to slather up the remaining juices.

There are some other places worth noting, such as Sababa, famous for it's falafels. And The Diner, located directly behind Carnegies, offers a decent Caesar--mostly for it's generous bacon component, not so much for it's dressing. Other than that, there are simply no salads to be had on this island. I would even go so far to say that the 7-11 Potato Salad, if doctored up with some fresh cracked pepper and some balsamic, rates far higher than most salads offered in restaurants in Taiwan.

I want to make something clear: In no part of this critique have I mentioned anything about health, or the power of vegetables, or the food groups, or any such nonsense. I am simply stating my disappointment towards false advertising and laziness on the part of restaurateurs, who have the audacity to add items on their menus WHICH SHOULDN'T BE ORDERED. It would be like me putting something like this on my teaching resume:

"NOT VERY GOOD WITH KIDS. PRONE TO UNEXPECTED CHANGES IN TEMPERAMENT. DOESN'T LIKE TO GET UP EARLY--but I am an OK teacher..."

Do you see where I am going with this? A salad is a respectable ally to most entrees. If eaten for health reasons, I would have to call "retard" on that. There is simply no nutritional value in lettuce, and the meager amounts of other vegetables one might expect in any given salad serve only as roughage. Sure, it will provide your body with some additional vitamins, but not much. It is a palette cleanser and warm-up for the main-course. It is also a testament to the restaurant's thoughtfulness in presentation.

A salad, I say again, is a respectable ally to most entrees. It is part of the dish. Not french fries. A french fry is a toy for children. Seeing a grown man eating french fries is like watching a respected professor of university play with dinky-cars. It is disturbing, to say the least. But more disturbing is the fact that out of the plethora of foreign-run restaurants in Taiwan, there are less than a handful that can be trusted to toss my salad.